FB Updates 6

The closed-mouth yawn tricks no one.

3 things I never get sick of: my BFF, the song "Crash" by DMB and I ALWAYS love me some grapevine during any exercise class.

I don't really remember the courtship, but it seems laundry & I have been spending Saturday mornings together for about 17 years. It's always there for me.

son: "hey mom, are we going to leave out carrots for the Easter Bunny tonight?" me: "um, I don't think we have any - we're a little low on groceries, we're kind of out of EVERYthing."
son: "well, at least we're not out of dignity." :)

I don't know which is more nerve-racking for me: the actual execution of the midnight Easter basket hiding, trying to purchase all that candy hoping our dentist doesn't see me at check-out, or really really hoping these plastic eggs from the dollar store weren't made in some Taiwanese sweat shop while I stuff them with jelly beans and keep checking my hands for foreign DNA.

Sour Patch Jelly Beans for breakfast? Hell yeah. Putting contacts in eyes immediately after eating them? Sting-y. Now my world looks a little sweeter, though.

as a person without testicles, I have guilt over the relief I felt today when I realized: the collective "ohhhh" was only because my son was hit in the nuts with a basketball, not because the ball went into the mosquito-larva infested cesspool/swamp at the neighborhood b-ball court. Not very empathetic of me.

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down. ~ Mary Pickford

a little rhyme I made up while riding my bike home from work today: Gas prices are on the rise, that's why this bike's between my thighs. Four seventeen for a gallon of gas? This seat feels great beneath my...bottom.

Hey, rain. That’s cool that you busted into my VIP party and scared away my BFF, Sun. And it’s fine if you bring your mouthy friend, Thunder, and that annoying flashy douche bag, Lightning. But I swear - if that A-hole, Snow, shows up I will kick all of you out of here so fast you won’t even be able tell your Cumulus from your Nimbus. Dig?

There are only a few benefits I can think of to having freakishly huge man-hands like mine. ONE of those benefits is the amount of chocolate-covered raisins I can hide in my hands at 8:15 a.m. so no one knows my breakfast choice. The other benefits are better left imagined.