I just keep posting

nobody will ever say at my funeral: "she had mad housekeeping skills". (I'm o.k. with that.)

when my kids crawl in bed with me, and lovingly jam their knees and elbows into my ribcage while we slumber - I just pretend it's a dramatization of my pregnancies. Only THIS time, I can walk away to sleep somewhere else and my boobs are smaller/longer.

went to sleep alone, but woke up with 3 nasty bedfellows: worry, doubt & fear. I said to myself, "these guys are SO 1988" and hopped in the shower with my trusty lovers: joy, hope & confidence. Those guys are so much more fun and WAY better for my image. This will be a great day.

I don't mean to generalize, but 98% of the transgender men I've seen are dressed like frumpy grandmas. If you're gonna do it, get your "Bo Derek" on baby - not this Bea Arthur shit. (if you want, it's up to you).

So, my young & hip co-worker made fun of me for still having a yahoo e-mail account. She’s like “what is this, the 90s?” (I was instantly reminded of the time I wore my brother’s Coca-Cola t-shirt with the sleeves cut off to Junior High and I overheard someone say; “is she poor?”) Yup, that’s me - clueless to the hipness.

I don’t understand why they say 30% chance of rain. Why not 70% chance of sun? Why is it “partly cloudy” why can’t it be called “partly sunny”? I propose that we change the weather verbiage. Optimists unite!

Had a fond memory of begging and begging (and FINALLY getting) a pair of Guess jeans in 1987. And wearing them until they were so tight I couldn't possibly breathe one more pre-pubescent breath while they were on because that was the only pair I'd ever get.

Thanks to growing up in the age of commercialism - every time I drink a glass of orange juice with my morning meal, I say to myself "and this is part of a complete breakfast"

Weird forefather fads that I'm glad didn't stick: Powdered wigs, wooden teeth, slavery. But that Declaration of Independence thing? REALLY good idea!

Game Carnies - the first level of peer pressure your kid will endure.

Prius: n. (pree-uhs) – a hybrid car with a very quiet motor. (so quiet that you and your brother can drive up behind two dudes who are walking down a dirt road passing a joint back and forth and they won’t even know you are there until you are close enough to actually HEAR them crap their pants.) Now THAT’S quiet.

Man alive. I don’t know what I did in my previous life to get so lucky & loved in THIS life, but I hope it happens to YOU on your next trip around so you can feel what I feel now… Loving & fun family, caring friends, good health and the ability to notice – lucky me.

If you position your kid's scooter just right in the back seat and make the handle stick out between the driver and passenger seat...you can use that foamy handle as a sweet-ass microphone while you're driving. It's true - it happened to me today and I frickin' rocked.

Today's tip: if your co-worker catches you talking on your banana like it's a phone... Keep talking-she might forget it's fruit and still accept you.

upon seeing me exit the shower, my precious son said: "OH, so when you have a baby your boobs are big, but after 8 years all the milk just stays in your butt cheeks?" me: "...Yup, pretty much."

sometimes I gauge my mothering skills by how much milk & laundry we've gone through in the week (this helps me decide: did we have healthy home-cooked meals? was there enough engaging conversation at the dinner table? Should I try harder next week?)...this summer week yielded: milk turned into 3/4 gallon of bleu cheese, sandy beds and bitchin' tans. I still feel like a pretty good mom.

the dead grass at is like a chalk drawing for the corpse of the festival.

Thank you, Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley, your self-hand-biting technique just came in handy during my slap & tickle at the pedicure shop!

After watching Green Lantern tonight I am begging you...Someone PLEASE give me some reasons to squash this crush on Ryan Reynolds before I fall asleep. I do NOT want to wake up making-out with my pillow!

Karen Carpenter and I do not agree. Rainy days and Mondays are actually pretty sexy…and both at the same time? Lookout!

It’s a good thing my bowl of attitude starts out full & positive most mornings-because this day is already trying to pluck out pieces bit by bit. Bring it on, Wednesday, I’m not afraid of you

A relaxing cup of coffee at the bagel shop tastes very different as soon as two 23 year old girls sit next to you discussing their upcoming wedding plans, hopes, dreams & other mislead controlling ideas of the way life is. I loved being 23, but I am very comfortable in my 37 year old skin

How do I measure love? By the little things that ground me- I ran home from work this morning just to smell my sons’ morning breath…and instantly felt comforted

Tell me the truth. Are the boys in the loud "bass-pumping, sub-woofer-pounding" car smiling because they enjoy being obnoxious or because their scrotums are being shook by the noise?

In my observations regarding people and eye contact, I have found: people will avoid it when they've cut you off in traffic, but they have NO problem whatsoever staring at their leashed dog while he tries to take a poop

one of the many silver linings to this heat (in a car with no air-conditioning) = instant Flock of Seagulls hair-do after any car ride. "and I ran, I ran so far awaaaaay"

I don’t know the circumstances, so it’s not fair for me to judge, but I feel so sad for the little boy watching T.V. while riding in the back of his mom’s car last night. He didn’t get a chance to see the way the leaves glowed in the moonlight or the way the crowd bustled outside the Ice Cream Shop in the summer heat