Another List

·         Thankful that the shower acts as a patience re-filler and every morning I get another chance to fill 'er up and try again.

·     My sons think manhood is proven by standing shirtless next to me while I fry bacon. After vigorous testing this morning (aka: one splatter) it has been determined...they are still merely boys.

·     I think you can judge a man by the way his wife wears her hair.

·     I bet if I found a spider newspaper, it would list my office as the Homicide Capital of their world. Poor things really don’t stand a chance once they wander in here.

·      patchouli is my kryptonite.

·     Sometimes I can't believe sneezing is legal. It feels so darn good

·     I think the changing leaves of Autumn come to remind us that we are not in charge of everything. And my favorite part is...my idea of what/who’s in charge is different than your idea and we’re STILL friends. 

·     Sometimes I watch John Mayer videos and swoon. Then I think there are probably girls who know him and think “what a lame-ass” when they watch him

·     caught myself standing at the window at work staring-off like those two freaky twins from The Shining. I need more sleep

·    Thinking of inventing a “Bad Mood Sack”: a burlap sack that I could hang over myself on days like this. It would have a big sign that said: “I’m in a shitty mood. Please come back later so I don’t have to be a bitch. Thanks.”

·     you might be surprised (like me today) which of these two things makes kids run faster at the waterpark: a.) the bell which announces 1,000 gallons of water will be dumped on them from a huge bucket or b.) a turd in the pool

·     He who walks without swinging his arms is a faker or a zombie. Either way...I don't trust him

·    I feel old when some of my co-workers DON’T KNOW what I mean when I ask, “Know whadda mean, Vern?”