Listious List

·         totally had a Seinfeld tip jar moment yesterday.

·    watched Twilight. I feel old. Edward's lips were so...plump and bloody

·    I've noticed that my 8 year old is perfecting the art of sarcasm. Karma can be a bitch.

·     oh, popcorn-you taste so delish but you make my teeth feel like a lion with a thorn in his paw. I curse you.

·     I'm a very simple girl.

·     Just played a real-life game of Operation involving tongs, a french toast stick and toaster. I'm dangerous.

·     Sometimes my contacts feel like a couple of taco shells on my eyeballs. That's no bueno.

·    The person who said "money can't buy happiness" would be surprised at the pure joy the slot machine just brought me

·     I realized I am a better mom when there is no internet at home.

·     I've apparently been conditioned to cry whenever I hear the crescendo of any song

·     Pretty sure if I had a Dirty Job and that Mike guy showed up to slow down MY day with his lame jokes and camera crew, I'd punch him in the face

·     Got the 6 and 8 year old vote of approval on my pork chops! Look out Rachel Ray. I'm a badass cookin' machine.

·     Nearly discovered in my Santa pants last night!

·     eggnog is a little tough to swallow.

·     People who barf up food don't deserve a donut from the pile. Leave it for those who will digest and enjoy, please.

·     Charging my solar panel! Thanks, sunshine. You're my favorite.

·     Didn't win the Mega Millions. That thing is rigged.