Even More of this Silliness

·         Just came to my attention that I judge a person's social skills by how they speak in my ear at a bar with a live band.

·     Mondays have such a bad reputation. I'm sure you've all had some really shitty Wednesdays or even Saturdays. Let's spread the love across the entire week, ok haters? Go Monday - rock my world.

·     100% of my offspring with a seasonal bug = Nature's humbling reminder that some parents have sick kids 24/7/365 and I really take our health and easy life for granted. I need to stop doing that.

·     Sometimes I think the universe throws a sick kid into your day so you can just slow the F down a little...Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

·     I could really go for a Vegemite Sandwich. And by “Vegemite” I mean “less” and by “Sandwich” I mean “f*#%ing freezing rain”.

·     The dentist's advice to me today after replacing a filling: "Take it easy and don't bite any nuts tonight."

·     What is it about a dentist chair that sends my limbs into instant rigamortis?! By the end of the procedure my body looks like a dead raccoon’s.

·     Man, it’s a fine art to swallow a huge vitamin! The placement of the pill, the correct speed and depth of water, contracting the throat muscles at just the right time…it’s enough to wear out a person!

·     oh, roadkill skunk, I'm sorry for your luck but the sweet scent of your death brings us that much closer to Spring. So...thanks.

·     Home Depot should really make color camouflaging toothpaste to match bathroom counter tops. It would be much easier for messy/lazy people like me.

·    Rinsing off paint roller brushes makes me feel like a fluffer for an x-rated circus.

·     Every time I do these Crest Whitening Strips, I'm forced to ponder that age-old question...spit or swallow?

·     "I don't want you guys ripping a bunch of farts in the restaurant," I tried to explain to my sons at dinner. And with that my youngest got up from the table, said "well that changes all MY plans" and left.

·    "It seems like his voice would be more manly since he has that moustache" ~ my son talking about Freddy Mercury, the lead singer of Queen.