McList

• The cover of People magazine says something like: " "Kim Kardashian; I thought I'd be married by now". More like "I thought I'd have gonorrhea by now." Gross. Doesn't she pork anything that walks? 

  Apparently “go get dressed” translates into “pull your boxers up your butt cheeks and run down the hall spanking yourself” at my house   

  I'm worried, by not having a home phone, I'm denying my sons that rite of passage: making prank calls.

  Walking into the kitchen and seeing that turkey carcass reminds me of waking up after a one night stand.

• ·         “…as far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all people.” ~excerpt from the poem Desiderata

  ·         ♥ Oh, weekend, thank you for sending me the sparkling snow as a reminder of our magical love affair. When can I see you again? ♥

  ·         I wish I had a free gallon of gas for every time a rapper collaborates with a pop singer or a celebrity adopts a baby from another country.

  ·         Sometimes, all you need to do is show up and try your best. The rest will fall into place

  ·         Just wondering WHO exactly determines the song list for the Oldies Station. Songs from my youth shouldn’t be on there yet, should they?! WTF.

  ·         Does anyone else feel like Old Man Winter just bitch slapped us for treating Mother Nature so poorly?

  ·         "Man, the best part about playing outside, is the pampering when you come in!" ~ my 10 year old son. :)

  ·         I wish every time I plucked a gray hair, my boobs would lift a little.

  ·         This morning when I noticed the beautiful sky, I tore a corner off that memory to store for later (in case I have a bad morning some day and need a reminder that life is actually pretty great.)

  ·         My nooner with Tony Horton was going great until he busted out the Superman Banana

  ·         When I see 3 little boys standing outside a building in the snow and ask, "does your mom know you're out here? She might be looking for you" and the littlest one answers, "our mom's in heaven" I find myself without words. :(

  ·         I can't believe Willie Nelson is STILL getting fines for possession of marijuana. Seems like he would have a standing pardon by now.

  ·         Bunny tracks in the snow - life sure is good

  ·         Does everyone shine their apple on their chest before eating it or is it just my dad & me?

  ·         I believe in the power of positive thinking & Vitamin C. Looming sore throat - you don’t stand a chance, Beotch.

  ·         the sad thing is...when kids these days hear the Black Eyed Peas Remix of "Time of My Life" they will never know the magical feeling when Johnny lifts Baby that night at Kellerman's!