Smile Bank

·         Smiled at my washing machine this morning and said 'thanks'. We might find out one day they have souls, and all I ever do is scowl in it's room. Poor thing.

·     Waylon Jennings just picked me up from my desk as 36 year-old woman and set me down in my daddy's pick-up truck as his 8 year-old little princess. There was no safer place in the world

·      I bet weathervanes and windchimes achieved self-actualization during the wind storm this week. Let's celebrate their life's purpose!

·     I know I can't please everyone, but sometimes I wish I could file behavior bankruptcy with people. Tabula Rasa.

·     Ladies, I assure you, if you inform a man that his zipper is down he will think you are hitting on him…especially if you happen to be applying chapstick at that very same moment. (No matter how innocent your observation.)

·     Sometimes I wish I never took Facebook up to Brokeback Mountain. I just can't quit it.

·    Thick smoothie for breakfast = Kegels for the throat

 ·    I wish they still carried and borrowed in elementary school. It would get me a lot less blank stares when homework-helping.

·     This week's agenda: Dirty room - cleaned, Dirty desk - cleaned & organized, Dirty mind - nah, leave it

·     some months I try to work the angle of: almost pms, pms, dms, postms to justify my sweet tooth. (This is one of those months.)

·       Listening to Billie Holiday makes me crave a dirty martini and really great shoes - even at 8:57 am

·     My only regret today is going with crab breath to the optometrist. Should've thought that one out better.

·     Tonight I experienced that beautiful feeling while playing Pacman when you wait at the energizer orb until all the ghosts are right near you...then you eat it's invincible goodness and quickly turn around to silently devour every single one of those unsuspecting stacked-up ghouls. Sweet