List of goodness

·      icebox-[ayhs bahks]: n. caused by shoveling the porch during a blizzard while wearing nothing but a robe.

·     I'm sorry - if your childhood sucked, please don't mess up your kids' childhood while you find yourself. They deserve a shot at breaking the cycle.

·     You don't have to tell me I'm a control freak. I'm in control so I already KNOW that.

·     This afternoon, as I clicked down a hallway in my high heel shoes with my purse and my gloves on, I thought to myself: "THIS is the moment you were training for at age 6".

·     A parent’s sickness reveals a child’s true character: My boys were so sweet yesterday while I was down for the count…bringing me Vernors, trying to be extra quiet, rubbing my face – what a couple of cuties!

·     A sure sign that my day is off: Totally digging Crazy Train by Ozzy right now. Hide your bat heads…I’m in a mood!

·     Please like this if you can say this with me: "I am sitting on my lazy ASS watching fellow human beings on the TV play a game, sing songs and air the commercials that I do not have the skills or drive to play/sing/create myself. None of it may be the 100% quality that stars and athletes are somehow required to uphold, but what the hell have I done that's so spectacular." (Sorry)

·     So rude of me: always sleeping when my neighbors are trying to fight. Don't
I know that 4 am is the time to stand outside and yell at each other - not the time to experience sweet slumber. I'm such a clueless street mate.

·     Spending time with your grandma is good for lots of reasons. And I’ve found one reason is to keep an eye on where your body shape is heading over the next 40 years. (Purely for planning purposes.)

·         I was actually jealous of a chunk of cheese tonight. Wishing I could shred other things - like my impatience - a little at a time instead of throwing a whole block at my kids in one rant. Ugh, not my best effort this evening.

·         I'm all for honesty when it comes to my kids, but when they ask me why Rhianna & Drake sing, "the square root of 69 is 8 some"~ I just say 'they're really into math'.

·         I don't know about you, but I feel 83% fancier when a baguette is sticking out of my grocery sack.

·     Between this fresh wind, that gorgeous moon, and those giggling sons, I found a nice humbling reminder that life is NOT about needing a Coach purse. THAT was a close one!

·     I don't wish death on anyone, but I cracked myself up today imagining a skit where they were trying to cram Hugh Hefner in a coffin/crematorium but he couldn't fit due to his chemically-induced perpetual boner.

·     How is it that I still have a face when the cleansing mask I slept with actually tarnished a silver ring on my finger (which is located very far from my face)?! Talk about a deep clean - holy shit.

·      "How does it feel to be part of my big impulse buy?!" I excitedly asked the pubescent salesman at AT&T. "Um, pretty normal for me," he replied, bored. (It reminded me of the mundane nurse conversations the OB ladies had while I pushed human beings out of my privates - my insides were dropping on the floor, my whole life was changing while they discussed who brought what to the potluck.)